How to Murder Your Life by Cat Marnell

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Lend me your ears, young scribes, and let me take you on a methamphetamine-fueled escapade guaranteed to have your jaws a-droppin’. This fucking book. I stumbled across this whirlwind of a memoir during one of my weekly Amazon book-buying binges. The second I picked it up I was kidnapped; it roped me in and physically assaulted my eyeballs in the best possible way. Cat Marnell, if you’re reading this, thank you. Thank you so fucking much. And I mean that from the bottom of my cold, sarcastic heart.

Cat Marnell is the first to admit she leads a privileged life. She’s well aware of the fact she was handed more opportunities within her first few years on earth than most people receive in their entire existence. Her parents were loaded, money literally flying out of their assholes. She attended the best schools and received anything she ever wished for. But that didn’t stop her from fucking everything up, both intentionally and accidentally. When she was away at a prestigious boarding school, her friend offered her adderall in order to keep up with her schoolwork. One pill and she was hooked. Conveniently, Cat’s father was a psychiatrist and was more than willing to give her her own prescription if it meant she would stay on the honor roll. Pill after pill, paper after paper, Cat was a brand new person with an entire new lease on life. As long as she had her medication, she could conquer the world. Her dream was to one day become a beauty editor at a magazine company, and with those pills in her pocket she knew she could make her dreams come true.

Flash forward a decade. Cat Marnell is the beauty editor at Lucky Magazine. Surrounded by celebrities and getting paid thousands of dollars a month, she had finally accomplished her lifelong goal. However, she was now “shopping” for doctors daily, with about 20 different ‘scrips a month to keep up with her pill-popping habit. Then came cocaine. Then came meth. Then came PCP. Then came heroin. And she pulled it off without anyone knowing for years, until it one day it all came crashing down around her.

That’s the jist of the story without giving too much away. This book is so much more than just some memoir of an addict. This book is so much more than that. I’m not sure if it’s because Cat is so young and was so brutally honest about the things she did and the horrific things she’s experienced, or if it’s because she has yet to beat her addiction. It’s just… it’s so refreshing to hear somebody talk so brutally honest about the life of an addict and how damn near impossible it is to beat, no matter how hard they try. ALSO, it was nice to read about a young woman and her insane addiction to adderall because I would eat those suckers like candy if my body wasn’t riddled with anxiety afterwards.

Side note, Cat also gave me hope that one day I’ll be able to finish my book. Not that I don’t think I’m capable of doing so, but because the amount of curse words scattered throughout her novel was fire. And when a fellow sailor-mouthed woman stumbles across one of her own, it gives you that extra kick in the ass you’ve been looking for.

Buy this book. clicky clicky.

 

Subscribe, jabronies! xoxo ♥ G

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Rad Women Worldwide by Kate Schatz

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I was going to post a review about this book the day after the women’s march, but after seeing some of the ignorant, down-right sexist comments on social media I decided it was best to shut down the engines and cool off for a bit before I verbally destroyed half of the internet. I LOVE ME SOME GODDAMN LADIES. Seriously. There is absolutely nothing I love more in this godforsaken world than reading stories about women who shattered the goddamn glass ceiling and left men shaking in their wake. Nothing inspires me more. Nothing gives me more goosebumps. Nothing makes me want to start an all-women regime dedicated to helping other women stand up for themselves and break the proverbial mold. So when I received this book in the mail, you best believe I damn near shat myself.

Rad Women Worldwide by Kate Schatz (illustrated by Miriam Klein Stahl) is a book that will be placed permanently on my coffee table, the subject of countless drunken conversations to come. Shatz chose a woman from every continent on earth and told their story, including the battles they went through and the barriers they broke. It woke up some long-dead part of my soul and inspired me to go out there and kick more ass than I already do. Shatz focuses on well-known women, such as Serena and Venus Williams, and Frida Kahlo (I’m convinced I’m her literal reincarnation) as well as tons of other women who’s stories I never knew before. I want to invite all of them over, both dead and alive, and pick their brains one by one. And then hug the living shit out of them because DAMN.

Lend me your ears, ’cause I’m about to teach you a lil’ somethin’ somethin’. Kasha Jacqueline Nagabasera. Born in 1980. Kampala, Uganda. Homosexuality is still illegal in Uganda, as well as 38 other idiot countries. When Kasha was a little girl, she was forced to leave her grade school because she wore boy’s clothes and that meant she was obviously a lesbian (I wear boy’s clothes all the time and I love me a man, but you know, whatevs). This kind of discrimination continued through out her entire childhood. Kasha was beaten, bullied, and continuously expelled because of her sexual orientation. Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re shaking uncontrollably and googling ways to fuck up Uganda’s homosexuality regulations, but slow your roll. It was these instances that helped shape Kasha into the kick-ass warrior she is today.

Now known as the “Mother of the Gay Rights Movement” in Uganda, Kasha began speaking out about homophobia in college. When she was 23 fucking years old, she founded Freedom and Roam Uganda (FARUG), one of Uganda’s main LGBTI organizations. You know what I was doing when I was 23? Smoking weed, contemplating becoming a yoga instructor while my daddy paid my credit card bill. Definitely not creating organizations to help save the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. But I digress.

In 2009, the Ugandan government proposed a law which enabled people to attack others under the suspicion of being gay. At this point, being gay was punishable by death in some circumstances. Fucking 2009. Because of this disgusting law, violent homophobic attacks increased tenfold. Popular newspapers wrote articles and posted pictures of people who were suspected of being gay. Some real Nazi Germany type shit. One day, Kasha was reading the paper and stumbled across her worst nightmare: pictures of both her and her friends, all taken without permission, posted right before her eyes. Kasha, being the badass woman she is, fought back. Her and her group of friends sued the newspaper and won. In a country where homosexuality was so highly condemned at all levels of the government, this was a huge victory for Kasha. Instead of just letting her have this one victory, life came back and spit in her fucking face. Soon after their victory, Kasha’s good friend and fellow activist, David Kato, was murdered.

Most people would give up after such a horrific tragedy. I’m disgustingly stubborn and stupidly strong-willed, but if my close friend was murdered over a cause we were constantly fighting for, it would be hard for me to continue the battle. But no, not Kasha Jacqueline. She knew that by forging on she would be risking her own life. And to her it was more than worth it. She continued working with FARUG. She fucking founded Bombastic, an online LGBTI magazine which ended up being downloaded over two million fucking times in just one year. She continues to testify before the United Nations, appears on both TV and radio, and refuses to stop protesting and challenging unjust Ugandan laws.

She’s been harassed. She’s been arrested. She’s been attacked. She has to continuously move from house to house, forced to live in secret with friends and her supporters in order to keep up the fight and stay alive in the process. Kasha Jacqueline is one of the last LGBTI activists residing in Uganda, because unfortunately most of the others have been brutally murdered or forced to flee their own country. She could leave; she could find asylum somewhere where she will be loved and accepted. You want to know what she said when that point was brought to her attention? “If we give up now, what will happen to the future?” Be still my fucking heart.

She has since won numerous human rights awards, and in 2015 her picture was featured on the cover of Time magazine’s European edition. She traveled to the United States and was made the grand marshal of the world’s biggest gay pride parade, which means my brother was within the same mile radius as her and the envy is unreal. And while she enjoyed celebrating the love and acceptance shown in our country to our gay counterparts, all she wants in this world is to bring that same freedom to her own country. When asked about the current situation in Uganda, her response floored me, and I am virtually un-floorable. “I’m full of rage, but I won’t get a gun and fight. I’ll use my words to break down the system of oppression.” Kasha Jacqueline Nagabasera, words cannot describe the level of respect I have for you and your fight.

When people sit there and bitch about protesters and people fighting for a change, she is who I now think of. If you believe in something strongly enough, there is zero fucking reason you should be belittled for putting up a fight. Don’t tell people to “get a job” because they attend protests. Don’t refer to them as criminals. Because the truth is, yes, there are people out there who only want to cause harm and loot businesses, but there are people out there like Kasha who want, need, and will make a difference. Do not delegitimize the efforts of a group of people simply because you are not directly affected or don’t understand. Because when something bad happens to you, or you’re not treated fairly, we are the people who will understand and help you. We will have your back and fight for you entirely.

And lastly, if you are a woman who belittled the millions of women who marched and continuously strive for gender equality, do me a favor and get off the internet. Shut down your goddamn computer and shove your foot in your mouth. Women marched so you could have the right to hide behind your keyboard and type out your bullshit opinion as to why you think the march is irrelevant and a waste of time. Women marched for your right to share your opinion, and you’re embarrassing yourself. And men who still think we’re below you, bend over. ‘Cause we’re coming for you and you can’t hold us back any longer.

Well! I went a little crazy there but damn, that felt good. Kasha Jacqueline Nagabasera’s story is only one of the 40 lives touched upon in this book. After reading my rant, you can tell this book is worthy of both your time and money. Buy it, and join me in my passionate endeavor of reading about these worthy as fuck women.

Buy it here. Once you read it, let me know some of your favorites 🙂

That’s all! ♥G

 

 

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest review.

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How To Talk To Your Cat about Gun Safety, and Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives by Zachary Auburn

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If you’re in the market for a book to leave out on your coffee table in eyesight of any guests you’re hoping to thoroughly freak out, look no further. This sarcastic little gem proved to be an easy read and kept me entertained from start to finish. As an avid cat lady, I’m constantly on the lookout for feline-related decor for my house and this book met/exceeded my creepy expectations.

“It is frequently said that curiosity killed the cat, but what is often left unsaid is that the actual cause of death was the improper discharge of a firearm by a poorly trained feline. Cats are inquisitive creatures, no doubt about it. They are going to explore every nook and cranny of your home. And if you keep a firearm in your place of residence (which you should), it is only a matter of time before your cat discovers it. Pawse for a meowment to think about which scenario you would rather have play out.”

Hehehe. That shit cracked me up. This book took me about 45 minutes to read and it was totally worth every second.

Click here to add it to your library.

Also, one of my upcoming posts is going to be about my amazing experience at BinderCon NYC, so be on the lookout! Super exciting news to share with you guys about my future book 🙂

Subscribe! ♥ G

 

 

I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.

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October OwlCrate

 

In honor of my website hitting 5,000 views earlier this week (what the even heck), I made a vlog about this month’s OwlCrate box! I apologize in advance for the vulgarity, I have a mouth of a drunken sailor and find it physically impossible to sensor myself. Fuck it.

Watch below ↓↓↓↓↓↓

 

Click here to purchase your own OwlCrate! If you’re anything like me you’ll just do it and worry about money for bills later.

Subscribe, nerds!

XOXO ♥G

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Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman by Lindy West

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You know that feeling you get when read a book and contemplate physically uprooting your life in order to become some weird, greasy gypsy lady, following the author around the globe just so you can be in the same vicinity as them at all times? No? You gon’ learn today.

I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT KING TRITON. Specifically, King, why are you so elderly but with the body of a teenage Beastmaster? How do you maintain those monster pecs? Do they have endocrinologists under the sea? Because I am scheduling you some bloodwork. While we’re on the subjects, a question for the world at large: What is the point of sexualizing a fish-person? It’s not like you could really have sex with King Triton, because FISH PENIS. I don’t think fish even have penises anyway. Don’t they just have, like, floppy anal fins that squirt out ambient sperms in the hope that lady-fishes will swim through their oops-cloud? Is that really what you want from your love-making, ladies? To inadvertently swim through a miasma of fin-jizz and then call it a night? A merman is only a hottie with a naughty body if you are half attracted to fish. In conclusion, IT’S A FUCKING FISH-MAN TRYING TO DRAG YOU TO THE OCEAN FLOOR, WHERE IT PLANS TO USE YOUR DEAD BODY SEXUALLY. KILL IT. IT HAS A FORK.

I can’t I’m dead somebody send help SOS. LINDY WEST, MY SWEET QUEEN. I aspire to be every molecule of the person you are. The sass, the intellect, christ on a cracker. I have found my soul sister.

Shrill is by far one of the most entertaining books I’ve ever read. West touches base on a multitude of controversial and typically “hush-hush” topics with a loud and brazen voice. Abortion, sexual assault, and fat-shaming are several of the subjects she puts on trial and wittily slays page after page. I cannot recommend this book more. I’m tattooing the title on my forehead.

A main part of the book is rightfully dedicated to West’s never-wavering battle to shed light on rape culture. ‘Cause that shit is real, and it’s fucking terrifying and awful. After debating a well-known comedian on live TV about rape culture and HOW IT’S A REAL THING, Lindy received thousands of deragotory comments that inevitably ended up proving her point even further. Look at this shit:

  • “I love how the Bitch complaining about rape is the exact kind of Bitch that would never be raped. Bitch have you looked in the mirror?”
  • “No one would want to rape that fat, disgusting mess.”
  • “What a fucking cunt. Kill yourself, dumb bitch.”
  • “Holes like this make me want to commit rape out of anger, I don’t even find her attractive, at all, she’s a fat idiot, I just want to rape her with a traffic cone.”

What the actual fuck. If any one of the idiots who wrote those comments happen to stumble across my post, pull up a chair ’cause boy oh boy do I have a few questions for you asshats. Who hurt you? What is so irreverably fucked about your life that you feel it’s necessary to take your anger out on a fucking woman standing up for MILLIONS OF OTHER WOMEN? Were you dropped as a child? My cousin dropped me when I was like, four weeks old so SORRY, DENIED, that’s not an acceptable excuse for being an uneducated douche-nozzle. Do you find yourself  bitter because you’re trapped in your miserable fuckings lives with your dead-end jobs and just can’t stand to see people fighting for something that is irrevocably REAL and out of control? Fuck you. Fuck. You.

 

Meeeeeeep. Anywho, read the damn book. It’s sharp, it’s out-of-control hilarious, and it truly shines a light on everything fucked about this beautiful home we call America. If I grow up to be half the kind of woman Lindy West is, I’ll consider myself a true success.

 

Buy it here! And subscribe otay.

♥ G

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