You know that feeling you get when read a book and contemplate physically uprooting your life in order to become some weird, greasy gypsy lady, following the author around the globe just so you can be in the same vicinity as them at all times? No? You gon’ learn today.
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT KING TRITON. Specifically, King, why are you so elderly but with the body of a teenage Beastmaster? How do you maintain those monster pecs? Do they have endocrinologists under the sea? Because I am scheduling you some bloodwork. While we’re on the subjects, a question for the world at large: What is the point of sexualizing a fish-person? It’s not like you could really have sex with King Triton, because FISH PENIS. I don’t think fish even have penises anyway. Don’t they just have, like, floppy anal fins that squirt out ambient sperms in the hope that lady-fishes will swim through their oops-cloud? Is that really what you want from your love-making, ladies? To inadvertently swim through a miasma of fin-jizz and then call it a night? A merman is only a hottie with a naughty body if you are half attracted to fish. In conclusion, IT’S A FUCKING FISH-MAN TRYING TO DRAG YOU TO THE OCEAN FLOOR, WHERE IT PLANS TO USE YOUR DEAD BODY SEXUALLY. KILL IT. IT HAS A FORK.
I can’t I’m dead somebody send help SOS. LINDY WEST, MY SWEET QUEEN. I aspire to be every molecule of the person you are. The sass, the intellect, christ on a cracker. I have found my soul sister.
Shrill is by far one of the most entertaining books I’ve ever read. West touches base on a multitude of controversial and typically “hush-hush” topics with a loud and brazen voice. Abortion, sexual assault, and fat-shaming are several of the subjects she puts on trial and wittily slays page after page. I cannot recommend this book more. I’m tattooing the title on my forehead.
A main part of the book is rightfully dedicated to West’s never-wavering battle to shed light on rape culture. ‘Cause that shit is real, and it’s fucking terrifying and awful. After debating a well-known comedian on live TV about rape culture and HOW IT’S A REAL THING, Lindy received thousands of deragotory comments that inevitably ended up proving her point even further. Look at this shit:
- “I love how the Bitch complaining about rape is the exact kind of Bitch that would never be raped. Bitch have you looked in the mirror?”
- “No one would want to rape that fat, disgusting mess.”
- “What a fucking cunt. Kill yourself, dumb bitch.”
- “Holes like this make me want to commit rape out of anger, I don’t even find her attractive, at all, she’s a fat idiot, I just want to rape her with a traffic cone.”
What the actual fuck. If any one of the idiots who wrote those comments happen to stumble across my post, pull up a chair ’cause boy oh boy do I have a few questions for you asshats. Who hurt you? What is so irreverably fucked about your life that you feel it’s necessary to take your anger out on a fucking woman standing up for MILLIONS OF OTHER WOMEN? Were you dropped as a child? My cousin dropped me when I was like, four weeks old so SORRY, DENIED, that’s not an acceptable excuse for being an uneducated douche-nozzle. Do you find yourself bitter because you’re trapped in your miserable fuckings lives with your dead-end jobs and just can’t stand to see people fighting for something that is irrevocably REAL and out of control? Fuck you. Fuck. You.
Meeeeeeep. Anywho, read the damn book. It’s sharp, it’s out-of-control hilarious, and it truly shines a light on everything fucked about this beautiful home we call America. If I grow up to be half the kind of woman Lindy West is, I’ll consider myself a true success.
Buy it here! And subscribe otay.