Red Queen Series by Victoria Aveyard

Oy vey, where to fucking begin. I waited to read this series for several reasons, the main one being that the fourth book doesn’t come out until May 15th of this year. I heard this series was shit-your-pants amazing and patience is no friend of mine, so I knew I had to shelf the whole series until the last book release was closer. Fuck me running. I started the first book (Red Queen) at the end of December. It’s now March, and I’m halfway finished with the third book (King’s Cage). There’s a reason I don’t trust any human’s opinion on anything, and this is a PRIME EXAMPLE WHY.

The idea behind this series is dope as heck, but ya’ll got this girl’s hopes up. People were puking its brilliance all over the darkest corners of the interwebs when in reality, it’s just… a decent series. GASP. That’s right, I said it. This is also coming from a girl who has reread Harry Potter 97 times and has permanently deemed it untouchable, so take that for what it’s worth.

Quick little run down of the series. It’s the fUuUuUture, and there are two main income levels/social statuses. The poor people (they have red blood, boo) and the richy-rich (they got that silver blood, that good shit). The Silvers have magical abilities, like telekinesis and fire/water/element manipulation. The Reds are the worker ants of society and get shit on constantly. They’re normal people who barely survive a day at a time. Enter Mare Barrow. She’s a Red, she has red blood, but alas, this crazy bitch can manipulate electricity better than a toaster in a bathtub. People find out, shit gets weird, and that’s where I’m at currently.

Like I said before, the premise of this book is fantastic. Victoria Aveyard has a spectacularly creative mind and I would pay big bucks to bounce ideas back and forth with her. My issue was that I had so many people hyping this book up for Y E A R S that by the time I started it, I was expecting another earthshattering, magical series like my boy Potter. Not gonna happen. This is my own fault, I knew this was going to happen, why am I like this.


I would still give it a shot, but go into it without gargantuan expectations like I did. Everything is so much more enjoyable when you’re not expecting anything life-changing, you know? Buy the first book here, or go balls deep and buy the first two books here.

*Editors Note: there are four books in this series. I’m not including the two novellas written as well because novellas are garbage and can only dream of being big girl books one day like their adult counterparts.

Read the series? I’d love to hear your opinion of it. Yell at me a bit, slap me around some. It’s fun for me.

See ya, homies! ♥ G



visit my shop! buy some shit.

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Awww shit, it’s life update time.

I’VE GOT SOME BIG COOL NEATO NEWS! But first things first. If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that you all must have thought I finally bit the big one. Sleeping with the fishes. Dead. Finito. Considering my last review was in August and I proceeded to ghost you immediately afterward, it’s 100% understandable. But jokes on you fellahs cause I’m alive and honestly, just chronically lazy.

Since August, I’ve spent a lot of my limited free time planning my wedding. And since I’m a vicious control freak and refuse to ask a single living soul for assistance, I haven’t had as much time as usual to write reviews. Wahhh. This brings me to the main reason behind this update.

Just over six months ago I wrote an article for Buzzfeed detailing the reasons why wedding planning is total bullshit. Fuck ya chair covers, Cynthia the wedding planner, they’re garbage and I hate them. One of my main examples of the bullshit-ery that is wedding planning was the cost of wedding flowers. Oh, I’m sorry, you want me to spend $2000 on goddamn plants just so when you’re wasted at my reception you can feel like your inside, what, a greenhouse? Why? I need to know why. I might as well use my money as kindling for a hobo barrel fire in the parking lot of my local Phillip’s Flower Shop. Sorry, Bridezillas: this girl has a gambling addiction she needs to fund. After spending an ungodly amount of time on Pinterest, the cute little lightbulb in my head went off. What if I made my own flowers out of recycled book pages? I obviously love books, and hot glue guns are dope. And that’s how this fun little endeavor of mine came to fruition.

After I made a hefty batch of flowers, I brought them to the attention of my fiance. I’m positive he thought I was lying when I said I made them, so that was a super neato feeling YA KNOW?! This completely inflated my ego and led me to several shops selling flowers of a similar sort to the public. My fiance, the Canadian capitalist, encouraged me to open a shop of my own. And that’s exactly what I did.

I’m thoroughly excited to announce the opening of my literary-themed floral marketplace, lovetextmagic. I’m offering a variety of different styles and pieces, from singular blossoms to kick-ass centerpieces. Any and every color is available, and I will be taking bulk orders for people like me, the brides and grooms who cannot and will not ever justify spending thousands of dollars on fucking flowers. Ch-ch-check it out! ‘Cause if you don’t, this is going to get suuuper awkward. And if you choose to support a local starving artist by making a purchase, use the promo code FEB18 to save 10% on any order over $25.

Feel free to email with any inquiries. You want flowers made out of the entire Game of Thrones series? I gotchu. Flowers made out of comic books? Hell yeah, let’s do it. You want every single color of the goddamn ROY G. BIV rainbow? I hear you, and I see you, and I love your beautiful little mind, you creative masterpiece of a human.

Don’t panic- I’m still going to be writing book reviews. I’ll be reviewing the Red Queen series sometime in the very near future, mainly because I’ve got some strong words for you people who COMPLETELY overhyped it for me and let ya girl down hard as hell. So rude. How dare you.

Stay tuned! And in the meantime, check out my shop mmkay! Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, might I suggest printing out some pictures and casually leaving them around the house in eyesight of your significant other? Subliminal messaging is real and you best use it to your advantage.

I love you all. Kissy kissy.




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The Changeling by Victor LaValle

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This beloved little gem of a book fell into my hands in the most delightful of ways. My mother went to NYC to visit my younger brother, and they scored some free tickets to The View (I’m already seething with jealousy at this point). While at the taping, fucking KWEEN Whoopi Goldberg went through the bestseller’s list and gave every member of the audience six of the top books of the year (jealousy has reached max capacity). Fast forward to my LOVING MOTHER wearing 4 jackets and 3 pairs of pants in LaGuardia Airport in order to get those suckers home in her carry-on, because my family is thrifty and we’ll be damned if we’re paying $60 to check our goddamn luggage, you ignorant fools. When she got home, she split the books between myself and my fellow book-loving sister, and it was like goddamn Christmas all over again. And that’s exactly how The Changeling fell into my lap, and changed my shitty little life for the better.

THIS BOOK. Ugh. How does one explain The Changeling, honestly. It’s like Grimms’ Fairy Tales mixed with the magic of Harry Potter, combined with the raw emotion of Jane Austen. I physically c-a-n-n-o-t explain how much I enjoyed this medley of fucking literature. Let me explain.

The story follows Apollo Kagwa, who was abandoned by his father at an extremely young age. All that Apollo had left of his father was a box of books marked “IMPROBABILIA”. Flash forward to the future, and Apollo is happily married to his wife, Emma, and they have a beautiful newborn son together. Life is fucking peachy. That is, until Emma loses her shit and commits an unspeakable act, and is never to be seen again… or so you think. The rest of the story follows Apollo’s odyssey through New York, through both physically real and imaginative lands, on a mission to find his wife. The quest takes a turn when Apollo runs into a man who claims to know the whereabouts of Emma, and shit fucking hits the ACTUAL FAN. And its goddamn glorious.

This book is better than your typical, run-of-the-mill classic fairy tale. Victor LaValle is skilled in the art of making you feels things you weren’t aware your cold, dead heart was capable of feeling any more. His writing style is emotionally devastating in all the best ways, and I truly cannot recommend this book more. I want to stand on top of a mountain and scream it to all the land. READ THE CHANGELING. Marry me, Victor LaValle. You beautiful little bastard.


Click here to buy The Changeling and shove your nose in it ASAP. Then come back here and tell me how much you enjoyed it, too.


Subscribe, nerds.

xo ♥ G

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The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas



Hello people! Between living in a literal construction zone while my fiance flips our house, and planning/entirely procrastinating our wedding, I haven’t been reviewing nearly as much as I would like to. I need two of me, but I’m not quite sure this world is ready for two Gretchens…. things would burn, people would die. Shut up and act like I never left.

The past few months as I’ve been casually scrolling through my bookstagram to avoid planning our wedding (told you, I’m not lying), The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas was the subject of 70% of the images I found. Instantly intrigued. Also, the cover is cute as fuck. So naturally, I purchased the book immediately and flew through it in about two days, because nerd. You guys… dis book. It’s one of the novels you begin reading and then proceed to immediately text all of the fellow book-addicts in your phone, making sure they buy it literally that second so they can share the adventure alongside you. That happened with this book, and trust me when I say there is no feeling more exciting for someone who loves stories as much as I do. The Hate U Give even has a 4.63 star rating on Goodreads. I’ve never seen a star rating that high, because Goodreads is filled with cynical assholes like myself, who no matter how much they enjoy a book will always believe it could have been better. Except for this 444-page wonder. Seriously.

The story follows Starr Carter, a sixteen-year old teenager who constantly switches between two worlds: the poor, “ghetto” neighborhood she lives in, and the fancy prep school her parents send her to.  Although she had successfully maintained this balance since a young age, everything is completely torn apart when she witnesses the shooting of her childhood best friend at the hands of a police officer. The story follows Starr as she is put on trial as the star witness and in turn, gives you an entirely different perspective on situations similar to the one she has found herself in. I demand that this book be required reading for people of all ages. It helps you to see the other side of any story, and is beyond eye-opening. I truly believe people can mentally grow just by reading this story. Everyone could use this little lesson in empathy.

Buy the book. Read the book. Talk to me about the book. Talk to everyone about the book. Tell your sisters, your brothers, you parents, your cousins, your everybodies. Talk about it. As Starr Carter would say, your voice is the only weapon that works. So use it.


That’s all I have for now, lovelies. Subscribe!


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May Owlcrate

Hello, ’tis me! After a stupidly long hiatus, I’m back with a vengeance. Watch my video below, I reviewed my May Owlcrate for all my little nerds out there.


If you want to sign up for your own Owlcrate box, click here! DO IT


I’m going to start updating on a more regular basis again. I love yous. Subscribe, otay?

xoxo ♥ G

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